“[I’m] 60 next birthday, going to reach an age where I can’t do it. Now is the right time to do it.”
What could Nigel Farage have been talking about? Winning a parliamentary seat at last? Launching a bid to lead the Conservative Party? Being Prime Minister, even?
Actually, he was explaining why he decided to take part in ITV’s I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!, but I wouldn’t rule out any of the other possibilities.
Yes, he had the lure of a substantial stipend to spend a few weeks in the jungle eating fish eyes, encountering snakes and spiders, and being forced to make conversation with soap stars, a YouTuber, a daytime TV host and a pop star’s sister, but no one should doubt that, in his mind, this was a rather unconventional means to an end.
“Never say never” was his response when one of his fellow camp mates asked him if he thought he’d ever be PM, and he repeated it in a TV interview with Ed Balls the morning after his 23-day stint on I’m A Celeb finished with his being voted into third place.
“I am looking at a Conservative government that is a total shambles,” he told viewers, and even though the taste of wallaby penis was still fresh on his palate, he was able to remember what was the main purpose of his being on telly. It was to whistle up “an issue that affects every single living human being in our country. Namely immigration on a level that never happened even during Tony Blair’s days”.
“Our country needs people at the top with firm guidance,” he concluded.
We were left to wonder if he had anyone particular in mind, but the most significant question that now hangs in the air is whether his strategy of broadening his base, or of “funwashing” his reputation – an excellent addition to the modern lexicon – by appearing on a popular TV show has worked.
It has definitely made him part of the national conversation again, so in that narrow sense, Farage can feel pleased with his efforts. But I’ve watched almost every minute of the show – I know, the things I do in the spirit of journalistic inquiry – and even allowing for my own political partiality, I would report that Farage emerged from the jungle a diminished figure, who’d been revealed as someone who’d do almost anything for money (although I believe the amount he received was considerably less than the reported £1.5m), who was out of touch with the modern world (he appeared to be confused by the very concept of cultural appropriation) and was prepared to be economical with the truth for personal gain (he skilfully shifted the blame to a fellow campmate when the rice was burnt).
You may say that all these things make him the perfect candidate to be a senior figure in the Conservative Party, but the magic of I’m a Celeb is that it strips away artifice and design, and exposes its contestants for what they are. Farage’s calling card for his core support – his iconoclasm, his willingness to say the unsayable, his cheery, blokey, have-a-beer-and-a-fag, tell-it-how-it-is nature – was never played. He had carefully blanded himself, so in fact he came across as an old dullard with very little charisma.
Is he the person to lead Britain out of the political morass? There was no evidence, from anything Nigel Farage did, said or was on I’m A Celeb that would lead you to believe he is.
He also suffered by comparison with the winner, reality TV star Sam Thompson, an authentic, infectiously enthusiastic, immensely likeable young man with no apparent sophistry, capable of mobilising emotion and winning hearts, if not minds. The new Patron Saint of Feelgood, Thompson was a complete breath of fresh air, an exemplar who made you believe for a moment that the world is a good place, full of “positive vibes”, manly hugs and fun times. He gets my vote.